I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
