it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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