He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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