So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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