I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
