we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
