Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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