my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
