Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
