so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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