You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
