u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
