they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
