In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
