Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
