I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
