I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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