She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
