Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
