It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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