I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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