Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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