Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
