one might say we're banned from that church
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
