My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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