did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
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oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
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I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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