you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
