my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
