her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
