Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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