She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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