I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Still dying that you shit outside
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
