All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
