Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
