Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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