Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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