I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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