i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
