One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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