when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize