I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
