i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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