Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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