So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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