Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
