We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
