Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
