I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
