Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
