you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
