what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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