I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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