bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
