I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Sorry about my life...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize