I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
