Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
