im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
