i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
