so that wasnt chicken after all
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
