True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
