if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
