is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
