dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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