i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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