Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
