I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
