I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
