The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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