She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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