i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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