The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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