I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
