I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
