You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
